


If Only In My Dreams

by TrueLoveWins



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:29:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25596562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrueLoveWins/pseuds/TrueLoveWins
Summary: Clarke is captured by the mountain men and there is little hope for her survival until a month later she stumbles back into the land shared by Trikru and Skaikru. With a newly acquired taste for violence against her own people, Clarke is hopelessly lost in a world that she no longer understands until the Commander becomes a beacon of light within the darkness and vows to save the girl from herself.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin & Lexa, Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 38
Kudos: 195





	1. Chapter 1

Camp Jaha was captured in silence as moonlight streamed down upon the land through thin wisps of cloud. The majority of its inhabitants rested peacefully in their rooms, all but one woman who found herself unable to sleep. 

Abby stepped out of the enclosed metal structure into the cool night air and cast a weary eye over the still surroundings. There was no life other than the few patrolling guards that swept past the protective fence. The peaceful scene was deceptive. It was an illusion which could almost trick the mind into forgetting the unsaid tensions and political disturbances that saturated the world. 

Relations between the Sky people and their Grounder neighbours had always been tentative to say the least, but even more so now without Clarke to aid diplomatic processes between the two groups. 

She was gone. Taken by the mountain men and it was impossible to say whether she would ever be seen again. Abby hoped so, for all their sakes. 

Her daughter may have been the key to peace and a symbol of unity in these uncertain times but, with all that said, she was still a child. A child who would be missed by none more than her mother. 

Tears threatened to invade Abby's eyes but she fought the emotion and focused her mind on how she might solve these pressing matters. 

Their people were still held as prisoners within the mountain, Clarke potentially amongst them, with no way of freeing them. It seemed an impossible task to face the Mountain alone, but there would be little aid from the Grounders after the tense confrontations that had occurred. 

Heightened distrust between the two groups had led to a stalemate of sorts, neither side willing to aid the other at this moment in time without gaining some benefit for themselves. Without Clarke to broker peace and understanding between them, it would appear to be a lost cause. The Grounders could not be relied upon so Abby was left to produce the miracle that would save her people. 

The task was an impossible one and Abby found herself wishing for this nightmare to be over but found no one who could save them from this predicament. Frustration burned in her chest as she analysed the possibilities and found nothing. She had failed. The tears burned persistently and one slipped down her cheek regretfully, instantly igniting condemnation at her own weakness. Abby wiped the tear away ferociously, gathering what strength of will she had left. She would need it all if she were to save the residents of Camp Jaha from destruction. 

A welcome distraction soon presented itself when lights blinked into existence in the distance, halos of torchlight closing in on the camp as cautious cries went up from the defending guards until they recognised their own patrol returning. 

"Get the gate open!" Abby instructed once it became clear that there was no threat. The patrol had left on a routine mission to protect the camp from any unexpected ambushes but they were hours short from their scheduled return. Something must have happened. 

The guards compliantly opened the gates, their weapons ready for any sudden danger that might lurk from the darkness. Abby shielded her eyes from the glinting torches and squinted at the returning group. Three guards led the way, with another two protecting the rear. The two men in the centre heaved a figure between them, faces strained from the effort of carrying the dead weight through the forest without rest. 

"What happened?" the chancellor barked, striding over to the exhausted patrol with a questioning frown. She first scanned the soldiers faces but none would dare to meet her gaze, mouths moving silently as they attempted to explain the situation. "Who is this?" 

She abandoned her efforts to decipher any answers from the suddenly mute soldiers, peering down at the still figure that had been gently lowered to the ground. The guards rolled their stiff shoulders and glanced at each other with indecipherable expressions but still none could find the right words for their leader. 

A fear gripped the chancellors chest as she caught a glimpse of blonde hair, dirtied from the wilderness, and found herself unwilling to observe the concealed face for fear of the worst. 

"It's your daughter ma'am, but she's not herself," one guard spoke up after a brief hesitation, his words virtually falling on deaf ears as emotion washed over Abby as she crouched besides the girl. She reached out a shaking hand and brushed aside the stray strands of hair, breath catching in her throat when the unmistakable features of the strong willed blonde were revealed. 

"Get her inside, now!" she snapped, head darting up when no move was made to comply with her instruction. "That's an order!" 

The two soldiers reluctantly picked the motionless girl up once more and carefully began to trek her towards the fallen ship, their progress followed by Abby's wide eyed gaze. She could hardly believe this turn of events, far from what she could ever have imagined. 

"Ma'am, it's not quite as simple as it may seem," the leader of the patrol stated, expression pained as he foresaw the chancellors reaction to what had yet to be said. 

Abby couldn't find it in her heart to care for a long moment, merely relieved to see her daughter returned to camp safe and unhurt, but it was far too good to be true. She allowed herself a few minutes to relish in the joy that preceded Clarke's return but had to face the truth sooner or later. 

"Tell me everything.'" 

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The Commander paced her tent with fierce concentration, her thoughts cascading freely through her consciousness. There was much to consider and difficult decisions to be made. None of which were any easy task, even for her. 

The Mountains destruction was the primary mission, one that had been long overdue. A mission that required more than simple brute force to complete successfully. Strategic advances had been discussed with Skaikru but communications had long since broken down after Clarke's disappearance. The chancellor was a difficult woman to deal with on the best of days, but with accusations flying from both sides regarding the blonde's mysterious absence, it had only been a matter of time before good intentions quickly soured. 

It had been almost a month since Clarke had seemingly vanished into thin air and Skaikru had been the first to throw accusations towards their neighbours. It had taken only a few days for the fragile peace between the two groups to disintegrate and very little had been communicated since then. Clarke had been the link between them, providing a much needed bridge on which they could achieve an understanding that had once been assumed impossible. 

" _You were born for this Clarke, same as me."_

The words hadn't been a lie. The two women were destined to lead their people to greatness, but now the flicker of hope was fading and there was no telling what would happen now. The Mountain was an unstoppable force that would not bend before even the greatest army. They may have taken Clarke, but this truth had not been revealed until the harm had been done. A witness had come forth to announce his version of events, how the men in masks had appeared to drag the girl away, never to be seen again. 

" _Two hundred and fifty people died in that village. I know you felt for them. But you let them burn."_

_"Not everyone. Not you."_

Lexa's jaw ached from clenching it so hard as the memories swirled through her head unsummoned, clouding her strategic musings with thoughts of what might have been. The tsunami of emotion was largely due to the girls disappearance, although she would never admit it to anyone. She recalled the conflicted surprise on the blonde's face as she realised the extent of the revelation, the depth of its true meaning. 

The stoic Commander had always preached about weakness, and yet in that moment she had revealed a part of herself that opposed her very teachings. Even the feared leader of the Grounders was not exempt from emotion, and it just so happened that the sky girl had ignited an unquenchable flame of desire for more, an inescapable consideration that there could be another way. Perhaps weakness was not so easily defined after all. 

Now she was gone. Taken by the very enemies that they had sworn to fight together. A cruel twist of fate. 

Lexa was saved from the overwhelming memories when a sharp voice called for her presence outside. A chorus of disgruntled voices burst into life from the camp beyond her tent, calling her back to the present and away from such wistful thoughts. Lexa gathered herself and emerged to face whatever new ill fortunate presented itself. 

Her presence was met with a flurry of raised voices but she merely lifted a hand and silence fell around her like a blanket, allowing her the necessary few seconds needed to analyse the situation and draw her own conclusions. 

The Skaikru warrior stood in the centre of the camp, escorted on either side by two Trikru warriors who held weapons with deadly promise as they awaited the signal to detain the intruder. 

"Oktavia kom Skaikru, it is brave of you to venture back here," Lexa noted, the mere sight of the dark haired warrior reminding her of the recent plan to eliminate the girl who knew far more than she should. 

The fallout would be catastrophic if their people learnt that the two leaders had known of the missile launch before subsequently abandoning the village to be destroyed. Despite Clarke's assurances, Lexa maintained her reservations that the girl would only be a hindrance to them, a threat that must be extinguished. 

Her last words to the blonde had been regarding this troublesome girl and she could not bring herself to enact her previous decision, even in Clarke's absence she could not bear the thought of further distancing herself from the stubborn leader. They had not parted ways on good terms and Lexa only wished that she had said more at the time to alleviate the blonde's worries. Perhaps none of this would have occurred had events transpired differently. 

Octavia appeared unaffected by the hostility that was being presented by the Trikru warriors. Her standing as Indra's second could not save her from the blood that ran through her veins. Skaikru had gone too far and were only allowed to live on the Commander's whim, the truce between them was non existent in these dark times. 

"I have been a loyal warrior to you, as Indra's second, and this is the greeting I receive?" 

Far from being cowed by the reception, anger burned in the warriors eyes as she stood proudly before the Commander. 

'These are difficult times,' Lexa stated, arms folded neatly behind her back as she portrayed the very image of power. 

'So what happens now?' 

'That depends, are you here as an ally or an enemy?'

A breath of silence fell across the gathered warriors, all eyes on Octavia as they assessed her response. Many held respect for her after her achievements as Indra's second, but Skaikru were no longer an ally which made this situation ever more difficult. 

'An ally of course,' Octavia assured, her voice strong as she projected across the clearing. 'Skaikru were wrong to make such accusations and disrespect your warriors. I only wish to speak to you. In private.'

Lexa was partly relieved by the answer, finding herself obliged to leave the girl alive now that she had demonstrated a sign of loyalty towards her. If she wanted to talk then so be it. If she had nothing of use to say then there would be a decision to make; the girl could either stay here with the Trikru warriors or be banished to her own blood. Indra would certainly have a strong opinion on the matter but it was of no concern to the Commander. In the end Indra was a subject, they were all her subjects. 

'Then let us speak, come.'

The surrounding warriors began to disperse reluctantly as their Commander disappeared back into the tent, a promise of violence in the air if any sign of betrayal was witnessed. Difficult times indeed. Octavia ducked past the hanging pieces of material and stepped through to the candle lit interior. 

Lexa was facing the raised throne, her head bowed thoughtfully as she waited for the warrior to make her intentions known. She had no patience for wasted words. 

'You wished to speak? So speak.'

'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

The fiery question caught the Commander off guard and she whirled with a spark of anger in her eye at the unprovoked aggression. How dare the girl address her in such a manner. 

'Think carefully before you say another word,' Lexa growled, venom dripping from her lips with unrestrained warning. She had only recently decided to let the girl live, but such decisions could easily be revoked. One hand curled around the hilt of her dagger as the confrontative girl lifted her chin defiantly in response. 

'I assumed you wanted peace with Skaikru? At least I thought you did. Perhaps I misjudged you.'

Lexa was momentarily lost for words as she attempted to unravel the meaning behind the statement. What had caused this sudden aggression from the girl?

'It is not your place to question my motives,' she snarled, although the initial fury began to fade as sensed a lapse of understanding between them. Something had clearly riled the girl up but there was no clue as to what. 'You risk your life to storm in here and make demands about peace? Why now?'

There had been many an opportunity for the girl to express her grievances to the Commander but yet she had waited weeks before addressing her concerns. It made no sense. 

'You did not receive the message from camp Jaha?'

'There has been no message sent here. We have not engaged in communication with Skaikru for weeks now,' Lexa retorted somewhat defensively, although both women now regarded each other with a mixture of suspicion and confusion. Octavia remained fiercely determined to unravel the truth but a hint of doubt had crept into her expression. 

The standoff collapsed in seconds when Octavia's resolve crumbled and she swept her gaze away in frustration, curses falling for her lips as she considered this revelation. 

'Goddamit Abby, what have you done,' she uttered, running a hand over dark hair as she began to pace fretfully, realising the lies that she had been fed. 

Lexa was running out of patience. 'You're testing my restraint Octavia. Tell me what this is about before I lose my patience entirely.'

The dark haired girl paused in her pacing, a glimpse of concern falling into her gaze as she met the Commander's hard stare. This was not going to be easy. 

'Abby...she told me that a messenger had been sent here days ago to inform you...' Octavia uttered, mind working in overtime as she simultaneously came to her own conclusions about what was taking place. 'We thought that you wanted nothing more to do with Skaikru, that whatever peace held between our people was gone forever.'

A frown flitted over the Commander's expression as her own fury receded further, overwhelmed by the more imminent confusion regarding what events were taking place at the Skaikru camp. 

'What was this message?'

The girl paused and swallowed thickly, her hesitation unmistakeable. 

'Octavia...' the Commander prompted, her voice low and dangerous as she willed the warrior to explain herself. 

A deep breath steadied the girls resolve and she spoke the words before she could ignite the leaders fury any further. 

'It's Clarke. They found her.'

A beat of silence enveloped the room and Lexa found herself unable to breath for a moment as the world expanded around her, the one word that she had not been expecting to hear ringing in her ears. How could this be?

The tentative hope that settled in her chest for the woman's safety soon evolved into a fiery anguish that she had not been informed of this development. Clarke's return could signal the restoration of peace between their people, allowing their assault against the mountain to go ahead unhindered. Someone would pay for this deception, Lexa silently vowed as much. 

Without another word the Commander swept towards the exit, instructions on the tip of her tongue as she prepared to ready her warriors for departure. 

'Wait,' Octavia hurriedly interjected, concern flashing in her eyes as she saw the woman's determination to descend upon the Skaikru camp. 'There was a complication.'

Lexa paused reluctantly and swept her gaze back to the warrior, her heart urging her to depart as soon as possible and mend what had almost been broken between the two leaders. She had much to say, words that she had not even confessed to herself yet. 

'What do you mean?'

'Clarke...she's not herself.'

There was no time to waste, no matter what the circumstances. Too many lives were at stake. 

'Tell me about it on the move. We leave for the Skaikru camp within the hour.'

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**Thank you for reading this chapter, let me know what you thought and if you want to see more :)**


	2. Peace and Violence

The Commander wanted nothing more than to jump on her horse and surge towards the Skaikru camp as fast as possible. Unfortunately, she would not be met with a warm reception if she did. If Abby had decided against informing the Commander of Clarke's return then she certainly wouldn't be expecting the woman to arrive on her doorstep making demands.

Lexa would have to be objective and calm if she were to gain access to the camp. Her anger would need to be tamed for the time being, saved for an appropriate time to release its power.

"Do you really think that Abby will let you in?"

Octavia was waiting on a brown mare next to the Commander, holding the reins comfortably as they waited for their entourage to ready their own steeds.

"For the sake of peace, yes."

The Chancellors lack of communication would not be forgotten, but if there was hope of peace between the two groups then it was not an opportunity to be disregarded. They could not be wasting time fighting each other when there was a larger enemy at hand. Together they might just have a chance of defeating the mountain and rescuing their people. Clarke had been confident of that fact.

Within a matter of minutes, the accompanying warriors joined the two women and they finally set out into the forest. 

They would reach the Skaikru camp by midday, whether they were to be welcomed or not was yet to be seen. Octavia's presence would aid their cause, but there was no predicting the chancellor’s rash behaviour these days. After Clarke's disappearance, tensions had been high and everyone had been worried, but it was Skaikru who had started making threats and brandishing weapons as if the Commander herself were responsible. 

There was no doubt that Lexa had been the last to speak to the girl, but it was no one’s business but theirs regarding what had been discussed. Abby had been far from pleased about the withheld information, not that it mattered in the slightest other than unbridled curiosity.

"Have you seen her?"

Octavia glanced over at the sudden question, momentarily lost in thought as they journeyed through the peaceful environment. Sunlight flickered down through the leaves overhead, casting a dancing pattern on the forest floor. An occasional nicker from the horses along with the steady thrum of their hoofbeats was all that could be heard with an accompanying chorus of nature providing a calming atmosphere. 

"No, they had to detain her for her own safety. Only a select few have even glimpsed her since the patrol returned." 

Lexa swallowed thickly but kept her expression neutral, eyes fixed on the ground ahead as she envisioned the blonde girl chained as if a prisoner within her own camp. Surely there had to be another way, a better way. 

From what Octavia had told her, the girl was no longer in her right state of mind, consumed with an uncharacteristic violence towards those that she had once loved and cared for. Even Abby had not been exempted from the odd behaviour, barely restraining her daughter in time before she could be bowled off her feet when Clarke had regained consciousness and the haze of fury had descended. 

The Commander recalled Octavia's explanation, her heart aching for the torment that had been brought upon the girl. 

" _Even the restraints couldn't stop her, Abby said that they had to leave before she could injure herself against the chains."_

The Mountain Men had apparently not been satisfied with creating yet another Reaper to torment the land, and Lexa could only guess what cruel manipulations the girl had been exposed to during her time within the mountain. 

"Commander, may I speak to you?" Indra called from behind the two women, their voices drifting back to the seasoned warrior as she considered the situation. Her respect for Octavia was without question, but some conversations were for the Commander alone. 

Octavia allowed her horse to slow almost to a standstill when Lexa nodded curtly, the young girl allowing her mentor to manoeuvre around and take her place beside the Commander. Under normal circumstances the younger warrior would never have ridden besides the fearsome leader, but there had been no time to waste and much to discuss. 

"Are you sure this is wise Commander? The Sky people will not be pleased to see us and we have little defence against their weapons."

It was a valid argument, but one that did not concern the Commander greatly. There may be unease between the two camps but even they would not be so foolish as to attack a peaceful approach of only six Grounders. There was no army, no aggression, and with Octavia riding at their side they would not risk injuring her. 

Lexa's decision to bring the girl with them had not only been for the conversation. 

"They will not risk sparking a war without good reason. We come in peace. My greatest concern is whether they will even let us past the gate."

"You underestimate their brutality Commander,' Indra insisted, not foolish enough to disagree with her leader outright but well within her right to identify the potential lapse in judgement. The blonde girl had been influencing the Commander's life for weeks prior to this, smoothing the transition to peace between the two groups but Indra could not help but doubt the unflinching trust in the Sky people. They would let them down one day, of that she was certain. Maybe not today, or tomorrow, but they had to consider the possibility.

"We cannot ignore their presence any longer Indra. Sooner or later we have to find common ground with them and restore some semblance of peace, Clarke may well be the key to that."

A brief silence fell between the two women as Indra judged her next words carefully. She had never been one to restrain her opinion, but she had seen first-hand what happened to those who dared to defy the Commander. 

"As you say, but are we doing this to improve our relations with Skaikru or for Clarke?"

Lexa did not react to the weighted question but energy danced over her skin like electricity as she considered the truth behind their venture. A messenger or even Indra could have easily taken word to the Skaikru camp, but she had wanted this dealt with personally. Perhaps both options were more intertwined than it first appeared; peace with Skaikru was dependant on Clarke and there was no denying that Lexa was eager to see the girl safely returned after weeks of imagining what might have occurred. 

"This is the first step towards peace. We mend our relation with Skaikru, with or without Clarke to aid the process, and together we might take the Mountain down once and for all."

Indra recognised the evasive response but did not push the issue. She would have to be blind to miss the interactions between the two women over the last few months, the growing connection that lingered between them and signalled a change to life as they knew it. No matter what the Commander's personal feelings were on the matter, she was right about one thing. Together the two groups stood a better chance against the mountain and if the end result were that their people were released, it was of little concern what underlying motive drove the action. 

"Many of our people would happily annihilate the Skaikru threat before they become cause for concern. Then there is only the mountain to contend with."

It was a somewhat outdated opinion, one that echoed with brute violence and reckless action of those who did not consider the long-term effects of the inevitable fallout. 

"Violence is the easy option. Only those who truly value life will attempt the much harder journey to peace."

Lexa's words echoed from many of her conversations with the strong-willed blonde. On many occasions they had discussed how best to maintain peace within their people, especially after their truce had been born from the death of one of their own men. Finn's death had marked the beginning of a new age, but it left a sour mark on their history. 

Life on the ground had always been about survival. Kill or be killed. Defeat any who stood in your way and none would dare to do so again. Clarke had cast doubt upon this way of life ever since she had first stepped foot in the Commander's tent, ironically after the death of 300 Trikru warriors. Lexa's view on the world had been in flux ever since, her values and morals cast into doubt with every decision she made. 

Indra recognised the finality of the Commander's decision and decided against pressing the issue, lapsing back into silence as she hoped that this was the best decision for their people. Peace with Skaikru was preferable, but not if it impeded upon their war effort against the mountain men. This could not become a distraction from their primary mission. 

At that moment, Clarke could herald the key to peace and prosperity, but there was no saying what they were about to walk into. If Octavia's description was accurate, then the girl would be far from helpful to their cause. Quite the opposite in fact. 

Hours of travel finally came to an end as the sun rose to its highest point in the sky and their destination appeared on the horizon. The sun glinted sharply from the fallen, metallic ship, the trees thinning noticeably before the vast clearing signalled the perimeter of the landing site. Remnants of trees scattered across the sparse land with a vast blue lake situated on its western border. 

An electric fence enveloped the camp and loomed ominously as the small group slowly approached. Harsh cries went up from the perimeter and small blots darted around, scrambling to assess the situation and ready their weapons. Indra sneered at their stupidity, as if the six of them were about to wage an attack in broad daylight. 

The frantic cries were only audible as they got within a few metres of the fence, none more surprised than Indra that a single shot had yet to be fired. Even with the fence standing high between them, there was no mistaking the nervous complexion of those who peered through the wire with caution. The Grounder's reputation preceded them and the legendary Commander had been spoken of with reverence as tales of her standing rippled throughout camp. 

_"Octavia's with them!"_

_"There's only six of them ma'am."_

_"Weapons ready."_

_"Should we fire?"_

_"What are our orders?"_

Indra found herself silently judging the Skaikru inhabitants, not for the last time that day, and could hardly believe their lack of control and coordination. If ever a threat did descend upon the camp, the idiots would still be discussing it loud enough for the enemy to hear even as their walls were ripped down and their guards slaughtered where they stood. She found pride in the regimented prowess of her own warriors, knowing that they would never waste time wailing like children in the face of danger. She straightened her back ever so slightly as they came to a stop in front of the gate, hoping that her distaste shone in her expression for all to see. 

Abby had been on her way to see Clarke when the alarming message had reached her about the Grounder’s arrival. A young man with a mop of dark hair had rushed to her breathlessly within the heart of the ship and spluttered that a group of warriors led by the Commander herself were approaching camp.

Her initial confusion was quickly dissipated when she learnt of Octavia’s presence amongst them, irritation coursing through her veins as she guessed why the girl had disappeared from camp so suddenly. It could only mean one thing; that the Commander was now aware of Clarke’s safe return and was no doubt infuriated that she had not been informed.

The chancellor could have cursed the bad timing, diverting away from the prison block to hurry out into the daylight. Whatever chance of peace between their people remained would be crushed if the Commander was unforgiving of this betrayal. The only good sign appeared to be that there were only six individuals including Octavia rather than an army of Grounders that would signal the beginning of a bitter war.

She would have to handle this carefully, very carefully indeed.

Voices called to her as she strode through the main camp towards the protective gate, some calling for instruction as others offered violent opinions. All the while, the dark clad figures on the opposite side of the fence resided in a threatening silence upon their horses, waiting patiently to be addressed.

Abby stopped a metres length from the gate itself, craning her neck back to gaze up at the fearsome figure at the head of the group. Their leader appeared calm, deceptively so, but there was a shine of something more in the stony gaze. She was adorned in her customary armour, red sash flowing past one shoulder with dark hair pulled tightly back into a collection of braids.

“Commander. I wasn’t expecting you,’ Abby began carefully, her heart pounding harder than she liked in anticipation of the anguished response that was likely to be directed her way.

“This is a peaceful visit Chancellor. Would you have us speak to you through a metal fence with your men primed to shoot us down?’

The words were clipped yet strangely light, conveying the clear displeasure at the less than warm greeting. Rather than be cowed by the comment, Abby felt her own irritation burning to the surface. Did she expect to be greeted with wide arms and kind words after everything that had taken place?

“Our people are not on the best of terms at the moment, as you well know,’ she replied curtly, squinting against the sunlight that streamed down past the Commander like a halo of light. “Forgive me for taking full precautions in these trying times.”

Lexa noted how bravely the woman addressed her with an electric fence standing between them. Perhaps she would be more respectful when she was within striking distance. She was saved having to appease the woman any further when Kane emerged from the Ark, comparatively more pleased to see them than the chancellor had been.

“Commander! It has been too long,” he said in way of greeting, flashing a quick smile to the new arrivals before sharing a few hushed words with the chancellor.

Lexa preferred his presence over the disrespectful woman any day; he certainly had more common sense when it came to political matters such as these. She fought to hide the smug expression from creeping onto her face as the Chancellor frowned sharply at whatever the man was whispering in her ear.

In a matter of seconds the conversation was at an end and a brief gesture from Abby returned the primed soldiers to a more relaxed position as two of them went about opening the gate to allow the visitors access.

“Times may be difficult Commander but no political conversation should be discussed through a fence. Come, let us all become reacquainted in a more welcoming setting.”

Lexa inclined her head towards the clever man, recognising his show of good faith that he clearly hoped would be repaid in kind.

“Indeed, we have much to discuss,’ she stated, her eyes fixed upon the chancellor even as she directed the words towards the man at her side. To her credit, Abby barely flinched, a shine of stubbornness in her eyes that Lexa had seen many times before in her daughter.

Their small group advanced into the camp, remaining on their horses as they drew every eye towards the display. If six of them could cause this much of a stir, how might they react to an army. The thought was almost amusing to the Commander but there was no time for such frivolous thoughts, there were serious matters to be addressed.

She dismounted without pause, the reins taken by a waiting warrior as she felt the Chancellors eyes tracking her every movement. Tension was palpable in the air but not a hint of weakness was shown by the Commander, walking as if she owned the very ground beneath her feet.

Without another word she followed Kane into the Ark, expectation of what was to come empowering every step at the prospect of finally seeing Clarke. Indra, Octavia, and two of the warriors joined them and they made quite the procession as they entered the metal ship.

Abby followed close behind, her footsteps heavy as she saw no way out of this encounter. The Commander may have appeared forgiving and relaxed at first appearance, but there was undoubtedly a storm waiting to settle over them. A storm that was directed at Abby herself and she was not looking forward to it to say the least.

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**Thank you for the support on the first chapter! It looks like many of you are excited at the prospect of the story so I will be uploading regularly.**

**The next chapter is already complete so I will upload it either today or tomorrow, It was going to be part of this one but I felt that a 6000+ word chapter might be a bit much XD**

**Let me know what you thought of this chapter, you're comments keep me writing even faster so thanks for the motivation!**

**Hope you're all well and I'll see you for the next chapter :)**


	3. A Shadow Of Yourself

Lexa had only been inside the ship for approximately five minutes and already she could feel the claustrophobic weight of the surrounding metal pressing down upon her. The shrill tone of Abby’s voice did nothing to ease the sensation and it was not an easy task to restrain the backlash of anger that was burning in her chest.

“What exactly did you hope to achieve by coming here?” the woman droned, as if everyone in the room weren’t already aware of her deception.

“You know better than anyone why I’m here,” Lexa said curtly. The room fell into silence and all eyes turned to Abby.

They were situated in the chancellor’s office, a wide room filled with strategic whiteboard sketches, shelves of important documents, and a plush couch on which Abby had perched. There was nothing of interest to learn from the crude sketches, merely maps of land already known to Trikru.

Octavia was leant against the wide table, arms braced against the worktop as she stared daggers at the Chancellor. She did not appreciate being lied too, not when it regarded matters as important as these.

“I told her everything Abby,” the feisty girl admitted, not bothering to hide her growing anger at the attempted deception. “The real question is, why did you lie to us?”

The Chancellor looked weary, as if the gaze of all those watching were stripping years from her life. She rested her elbows on each knee and buried her head momentarily in her hands as the deceitful plan crumbled around her.

Even Kane remained quiet, waiting to hear the explanation.

“Yes, I lied about sending a message to the Commander about Clarke’s return and I was wrong, but Clarke was in a fragile enough state as it was without having to parade her before the Grounder’s like a trophy.”

Lexa bristled at the distasteful nickname that Skaikru had adopted for their people, a word that had apparently flown from the woman’s lips unheeded as she continued her speech.

“My only concern right now is for my daughter and I knew that you would be here the second you heard of her return. She doesn’t need this right now.”

The room seemed to grow smaller as Lexa’s frustration with the woman grew. It was a matter of respect and integrity to inform her of the development. Clarke’s disappearance had been the very source of their conflict and so one might assume that her return would mark its end.

Lexa refrained from lecturing the woman on the foundations of peace and opted for a more subtle comment. “Surely as Chancellor it is your duty to be concerned with the wider situation?”

“What exactly are you trying to say?” Abby said cuttingly, not appreciating the disregarding remark in front of the onlooking witnesses. She would not have her position challenged so openly in public. 

Events were taking a turn for the worse as animosity swelled between the two women and Kane felt it necessary to maintain some semblance of civility.

“I believe the Commander only wishes to express that this is a chance for us to establish peace once more in our community and that by withholding information, however sensitive, has only hindered the process.”

His words seemed to have the intended effect and Abby’s ego deflated as she accepted that perhaps she could have handled the situation with greater care.

“I apologise for the miscommunication, but I hope that we can put our differences aside and work towards a greater good,’ she offered begrudgingly, well aware that the outcome of this meeting depending upon her shoulders entirely.

It was a small step towards regaining the peaceful truce that had once tied the two groups together, but it was a necessary step all the same. Lexa inclined her head, much to the relief of the Skaikru leader, although neither would soon forget their individual grievances.

“I propose a meeting between us leaders and most trusted associates. A discussion of how we will initiate the truce once more and how to maintain it in the future,” Kane put forwards before waving a dismissive hand. “Such things can be discussed at another time; you have travelled a long way to see us. Let’s get some refreshments and re-evaluate the situation.”

“Indeed,” Abby agreed softly, rising to stand before the group resolutely. “If that is agreeable with you Commander?”

It was not agreeable. Not at all. Lexa ignored the woman and exchanged a glance with her war chief. 

“Indra will stay with me whilst my warriors return to the horses and rest.’

Abby swallowed back a disbelieving huff, folding her arms tightly over her chest. Rest? The Grounder’s had been sitting on their horses for half the day, resting was all they had been doing.

The warriors departed the room before either her or Kane could respond, their eyes tracking the obedient warriors who filed from the room without hesitation until only four individuals remained.

Octavia had reluctantly joined the other warriors, aware that she had most certainly been included within the statement. She had done her part in bringing the Commander here and there was nothing more that she could do to influence events.

“They are more than welcome to stay inside and-,” Kane began.

“That will not be necessary,” Lexa interrupted. The man meant well but did not understand the warrior’s preference for being out in the open air. “Besides, what happens next does not concern them.”

Abby quirked an eyebrow, her suspicions raised even as she already guessed what was coming next. Words of peace and unity were only to pave the way for the woman’s true intent.

“I want to see Clarke.”

“No.”

The response was immediate, the chancellor shutting down the request without even a beat of hesitation. She had been preparing for this moment the second that the Commander had stepped foot inside their camp. She would not allow it.

“You didn’t have the courtesy to inform me of her safe return, do not deny me this request now.”

Abby shook her head resolutely, not daring to glance at the man at her side who would undoubtedly only have words of support for the Commander. He would give her the skin off his back if meant that peace was restored.

Kane attempted to reason with the woman but his attempts were soon cut short.

“Abby...it’s a simple enough request. After all that you-“

“She is not well enough to see visitors! I made a mistake by not telling you about her return Commander, but this is for the best.”

There seemed to be no swaying the fretful mother, but Lexa was equally determined in her efforts. Neither woman was ready to back down and admit defeat. Not when it came to Clarke.

“Excuse us for just a moment,” Kane insisted when the silence became deafening, moving to pull open the door. Abby stared at him in disbelief before stalking from the room with a dark expression.

“Clarke’s stubborn will makes sense now,” Indra noted, drawing a brief smile from the Commander that quickly faded. There was nothing amusing about this situation. She would be seeing Clarke whether the Chancellor agreed or not, and it was in her best interest to be accommodating or face the fallout.

=============================================================================

Abby burst out into the corridor, striding a reasonable distance towards a quiet junction where they wouldn’t be overheard.

“What are you doing Marcus? I’ve made my decision and nothing that you or Lexa say will change my mind!”

“I know that you’re worried for Clarke, we all are” Kane said soothingly, placing a calming hand on the woman’s arm to ease her tension. “But as chancellor you must consider the greater picture.”

Abby pulled away from the gentle touch and scowled at her friend. If she heard those words again she would scream.

“Perhaps I no longer want to. All I care about right now is my daughter,” she admitted, the coil of concern in her stomach a never-ending reminder of the uncertain situation. “I just want Clarke to be safe and well, is that too much to ask?”

Kane nodded in understanding and folded his arms across a broad chest, picking up on the underlying meaning of the woman’s words.

“You don’t want to be chancellor anymore?”

“Oh, don’t look so surprised Marcus, you’ve seen it for a while now. Don’t pretend that you don’t want the position.”

Abby turned away from the man and sighed deeply. She had not yet admitted it to herself in all reality let alone anyone else.

“Regardless of who holds the position,” Kane reasoned, returning the conversation back to the present situation. “If we don’t want a long and bitter war with the Grounder’s then we must be willing to negotiate terms. We should be thankful that she’s even here at all after the stunt you pulled. If the peace and well-being of our people rests on the decision to allow the Commander to see Clarke, then surely it is no decision at all?”

They fell silent as two chattering young men appeared at the far end of the corridor, their voices soon fading as they continued on obliviously. Kane cast a glance over his shoulder to make certain they were alone, assured to see the empty corridor in every direction.

“I made a mistake Marcus, you don’t need to keep reminding me of it,” Abby snapped irritably, drawing his gaze back to her. “When this goes terribly wrong you can deal with the consequences. Good or bad.”

“Is that a yes?” Kane asked tentatively, subtly ignoring the implication of his position as Chancellor in the near future. He would not turn down such an offer, but this was not the time to focus on the replacement of leadership.

“Yes. Now let’s get this over with,” the Chancellor directed, brushing past the smiling man with fresh frustration in her chest. She silently vowed that this was to be one of her last decisions as Chancellor. She could not keep Clarke safe if the responsibility of their entire people rested on her shoulders as well.

“It won’t Abby,” Kane called after her reassuringly. He may have had faith in the Commander and her requests, but Abby was not so certain.

====================================================================================

The sun was dwindling in the sky as the Commander sat outside the Ark, perched on one of four thick logs that surrounded a small fire. Indra was seated opposite her, chewing thoughtfully on a cut of meat that would suffice as an evening meal. They were largely left alone by the Ark residents, ignoring the occasional stare or hushed comment that their presence drew.

It had been almost four hours since Abby had reluctantly agreed to the Commander’s request, but only once the girl had awoken from her sleep. She had barely slept since returning to the camp so Abby had been unwavering in her decision, allowing her daughter the essential rest that they all hoped might restore some semblance of clarity.

Lexa had not forgiven the woman by any means for the lack of communication, but she was smart enough to recognise when she had the upper hand and was not about to waste the opportunity on pointless power plays.

Soft footsteps signalled that they were no longer alone and Indra glanced up to see the Chancellor herself approaching with purposeful strides. A quick glance at the Commander confirmed that she should make herself scarce and the battle-hardened warrior said nothing as she rose to her feet, a warning stare directed at the Skaikru leader as she brushed past.

The fire crackled and flared with brilliant flames as the Chancellor skirted around the heat source and claimed what had been Indra’s position on the far side. Smoke burned her throat momentarily and she shifted away from the plume of ashen cloud that had been projected by a sudden gust of wind.

They sat in silence for a long moment, waiting for the other to seize the opportunity and initiate the conversation. It was clear that Abby had a lot to say, bursting with condemnations and remarks that had been stored away for some time. She lifted her eyes from the arcs of red and orange to find deep green eyes staring through the dancing flames with heated expectance.

The flames cast twisting shadows across the contained radius, for a moment creating the illusion that the dark warpaint smeared around the Commander’s eyes had a life of its own, snaking and curling dramatically as if sensing the heightened tension that weighed heavily between them.

Abby averted her eyes and shook herself from the mesmerising trance, grasping for the thread of thoughts that had been so collected only minutes earlier.

“I know what you did.” The Chancellor finally spoke, her voice surprisingly quiet yet brimming with emotion. “What you both did.”

If Lexa was shaken by the admission then she did not show it, maintaining her unflinching stare that could tear even the most courageous soul down to nothing. She was not entirely surprised by the revelation, but it went some way to explain the unspoken dislike that the woman held for her.

The decision to abandon the village to a missile strike had been a difficult one, but she held no regret for her action. Clarke’s recent words still hung to her like a haunting memory, reminding her that although they had acted accordingly, the death of 300 warriors would never be an easy burden to bear. 

“Then you know that it was our only choice.”

“Strangely enough, that was Clarke’s explanation as well,” Abby recalled, unable to forget the confliction in the girl’s face as she had witnessed the horror and dismay that her words had caused.

“Clarke understands that difficult decisions must be made in times of war,” Lexa continued, unperturbed by the woman’s offensive attitude. “As all strong leaders know.”

The words held a hint of condemnation for Abby’s clear lack of experience in these matters, as opposed to that of her daughter who held a natural calling to the difficult role. They were not alike in every way.

“She should not have to make such decisions in the first place,” the Chancellor condemned, bristling at the underhand comment about her leadership skills. 

Lexa wondered for a moment whether the Chancellor was disillusioned about her role within the camp. It was true that she oversaw life within the enclosed perimeter, but it was her daughter who was truly leading them through these dark times. Without her it had quickly become clear who had been holding them together and it certainly wasn’t Abby.

“Your daughter leads Skaikru with a strength of spirit that few possess, as she was born to do.”

Abby had to take a deep breath to prevent the counter arguments spilling from her lips, aware that it would do her no good. They had different views on how things were meant to be run and they would never see eye to eye on these matters. Convincing her daughter to abandon this dangerous calling was out of the question, and she was left to watch as the Commander pulled her daughter down a fateful path that she could not follow.

“You saved my daughters life that night. For that you have my gratitude, but if you keep putting her in these dangerous situations then one day no one will be able to save her.”

“A leader’s life is never easy, but you have my word, Clarke will be safe under my protection.”

It did little to ease the concern in Abby’s heart that her daughter would never truly be safe, but it was better than nothing. For once she could hear the sincerity in the fearsome Commander’s words, glancing up to witness the shine of promise in her green eyes.

“You care for her.”

It wasn’t a question; a mother had an intuition like no other and there was no denying the bond that had formed between the two leaders during these trying times. Clarke had all but been living at the Grounder camp for days before her disappearance and Abby suspected that it had more to do with the company than the invigorating strategic meetings.

“She’s special.”

“She is, and for some reason she is drawn to you like a moth to a flame.”

Lexa said nothing, what could she say. She had been expecting a dramatic argument to ensue, but this was as close to a civil conversation as they had ever encountered. She could not deny her feelings for the girl, but it was not a confession she would make to the Chancellor. Apparently, she didn’t need to.

  
“I may not like it but Clarke will do what she wants, as she has always done,” Abby continued, leaning forwards to capture the Commander’s full attention. “Just know this, if she ever comes to harm then I will hold _you_ personally responsible and I don’t forgive easily.”

“Neither do I.”

A standoff ensued as each woman eyed the other with fierce intensity, but strangely enough it marked a shared understanding between them that neither would have previously thought possible. A voice crackled to life on the Chancellors radio before the spell could be broken and the Commander’s eyes widened instantly as she overheard the update.

“Ma’am? It’s your daughter, she’s awake.”

Abby unclipped the radio and thanked the guard for the communication, returning it to her belt as she rose to her feet. Lexa mirrored the action and raised an expectant eyebrow. She had waited long enough.

“Follow me,” the Chancellor instructed, leading the woman back towards the Ark with heavy footfalls. If this would bring peace to their people then so be it, but Abby only hoped that she wouldn’t live to regret her decision. 

=======================================================================

The walk to the prison cells seemed to take forever, a procession of two guards and the Commander with Abby in the lead. There were no further personal allowed on this visit, all with the intent of keeping Clarke as calm as possible.

The Commander found herself unsure of what to expect from this encounter. Octavia’s description had been revealing but it would be nothing compared to the real thing. Uncharacteristic nerves danced through her body but she did not let it show, always expressing the neutral mask of power that she wore for the world to see. Very few had witnessed it drop and glimpsed the emotions dwelling beneath.

Clarke had been one of those few.

“If she becomes too distressed then we leave,” Abby directed, bringing the group to a halt on a long stretch of corridor. For the sake of privacy, any additional prisoners had been relocated to a separate wing and all cells were now empty, with only the door at the far end of the corridor holding the initials _CG_ on the metal plate _._

_Not Prisoner 319 this time?_ Lexa mused to herself, biting back a comment about the early Skaikru tradition of imprisoning the troublesome youths that had been subsequently released to fend for themselves on Earth. Clarke had told her all about it, stiffly recalling her time spent in captivity before boarding a shuttle that had been an elaborate plan to provide the remaining Arker’s with enough oxygen to survive an extra few months.

Commenting on such history would only sour the now civil relation that she had formed with the Chancellor. As tempting as it might be, this was not the time. 

Lexa merely nodded in acknowledgement and silently prepared herself. Satisfied that she had been understood, Abby continued on down the corridor with the two guards in formation behind her to unlock the cell door.

Close on their heels, Lexa arched her neck and glimpsed the fragile figure seated on the cell floor, her head hanging in defeat before the key slid into the lock and turned with a metallic clunk. The reaction was instantaneous.

The girls head shot up and a bloodthirsty snarl escaped her lips as she shot to her feet, violent promise shining in once compassionate blue eyes that now held only rage. Abby bowed her head and bit her lip at the painful image, stepping aside to allow the Commander a clear view of the cell, one hand on the door to hold it open.

Breathing was forgotten for a second as Lexa witnessed the dishevelled blonde and the tracks of blood that traced a path down her arms from the repressive chains clamped around her wrists. She soon saw how the injuries had been sustained when the girl threw herself forwards with impressive strength considering her fragile appearance, the chains crashing forcefully as they inhibited movement of no more than a metre towards the door, yanking the girl back a step as she fought desperately to reach her visitors, a mad haze of fury clouding her vision.

She was hardly recognisable. Animalistic cries echoed hauntingly down the corridor, chilling the very heart of the Commander as she stared at the traumatic scene before her. How could the Mountain Men do such a thing, what did they hope to gain?

“Enough!” Abby cried, her voice strangled with emotion as she heaved the door shut once more, forcing the warrior to take a step back before it caught her square on the arm.

She barely registered the movement, lost in her own thoughts as the door was locked again and the Skaikru guards quickly retreated in hopes of calming the girl. It was as if she were a wild animal that could not be tamed. It was not right.

The hopeless emptiness that had settled in her chest was overwhelmed with fresh anger and she spun to grasp the arm of the retreating Chancellor with an unbreakable grip.

“You can’t just leave her like that!”

Surprise and frustration spiralled within the Chancellor at the aggressive action, glaring passionately back into the green eyes.

“Of course not,” she growled, attempting to pull her arm free but finding herself frozen within the icy grasp. “We will have to sedate her before we provide any medication. We thought she might have recovered from her psychosis by now.”

With every treatment that the medics applied, they would only be ruined each time the girl caught a glimpse or even the sound of anyone approaching. It was futile task that would have to be considered at greater length if the violence continued.

“This is wrong,” Lexa snarled, releasing the woman’s arm with a distasteful curl of the lip as Abby rubbed at the arm with a deep frown.

Skaikru were living in some fantasy hope that this would be temporary, that perhaps one day they would wake up to find the Clarke they knew and loved staring back through the bars. Lexa could already see that this would not happen and Clarke had been in that disgraceful cell for too long already.

“Don’t you understand?” Abby retorted, despair creeping into her expression as she felt her composure unravelling. “She won’t stop until she kills us. When she regained consciousness, her first thought was to reach for the surgical equipment and try to slash my throat.”

Her voice broke even as the words came tumbling from her lips and the anger dissolved with the emotional confession. It was hard enough to see her daughter in a cell let alone with murderous intent.

Lexa could not bring herself to reply, her heart aching from the horrors that had been inflicted upon the blonde and her people. There was no easy solution to this problem.

“Now you see. Let me know when you come up with a better solution,” Abby muttered, too exhausted to fight with the woman any longer and turned away to follow her men along the corridor.

Anguished cries from within the cell had ceased when Lexa’s back collided with the wall behind her as emotion swarmed through her body. A shaking exhale was the only action that she could muster, images of the violent outburst fresh in her mind. As much as she disagreed with the Chancellors handling of the situation, she was also at a loss. There was nothing that she could do for the girl and that hurt more than anything. 

A string of sobs and muttered words echoed from the cell, the clanking of the chains indicating that the blonde girl had retreated back to her earlier position on the floor. With only a brief hesitation, Lexa stepped forwards whilst the Chancellor was too distracted by her own grief to may her any attention.

As hard as it was to see Clarke that way, Lexa found herself unable to leave her in this pit of despair. This was no way to live. The barred viewing window allowed her to peer into the cell once more, nervous to witness the act of aggression again. To her surprise the violent outburst never came.

For a few seconds the blonde girl didn’t even register the presence, curled into herself with head buried in despairing hands as she muttered inaudibly in the solitude. It was heart breaking to witness, but it was a far sight better than the madness that had descended like a storm. 

“Lexa! Leave her be,” an irritable voice called from the long corridor as the Chancellor noticed her absence and hurried back to the cells to prevent another outburst.

Clarkes head jerked up at the sound and Lexa froze with baited breath as the blue eyes fell on the face framed against the viewing partition. She should have retreated, turned away from the troubled gaze to avoid the repercussions but found herself frozen in place.

One second became two, and then three, and still there was no reaction from the girl. If anything, her eyes cleared momentarily and it were as if a spark of recognition had ignited within their depths.

Dry lips moved soundlessly, shaking breaths lightly escaping as her confusion swelled.

“Lexa?”

It was hushed as the faintest whisper on the wind and Lexa’s eyes widening in surprise as she wondered whether she had imagined the sound. There was no time to investigate further when a hand gripped her shoulder roughly and pulled her back from the door.

It took every ounce of effort not to give in to her warrior instincts and enact the self-defence that had been instilled in her until it was almost a natural reaction. Instead, Lexa shrugged the unwanted touch away and clenched her fists tightly as the woman began to thoughtlessly berate her for such carelessness.

The Chancellors appearance sparked the prisoner into life once more and the clanking of chains was audible even as Abby furiously escorted the Commander away from the cells and back out into the darkening night. With every step Lexa became more certain of what she had seen, walking as if in a dream without a care for the harsh words that were being directed towards her by the anguished woman.

Perhaps she had just found a better solution after all.

=========================================================

**Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it!**

**Let me know what you thought. I love reading your comments and they motivate me to upload chapters even faster for you!**


	4. History Repeating

Lexa was escorted out into the growing darkness by the two Skaikru guards but, fortunately for them, she was too preoccupied with her recent interaction with Clarke to even notice or care. Unfortunately for them, her own warriors were comparatively displeased to see the armed guards tailing their Commander out of the ship and reached for their weapons suspiciously.

A raised hand from the Commander stopped the defensive action before unwanted conflict could arise between the two parties. She could not risk clashing with Skaikru before Clarke had been extracted from their cells. It was a decision that she had come to on the short walk through the ship, although she had yet to work out the exact logistics.

Kane had been waiting by the fire for their return and he was not surprised by how short their absence had been. Visits to the cells were brief these days in the hopes of reducing stress exposure to the fragile girl. He recognised the vacant expression of shock and felt a surge of sympathy for the leader. His first sighting of Clarke’s behaviour had filled him with a similar sorrow, and he hurried over to dissipate the tense interaction. 

“Commander, I know it can be distressing to witness her like that, but I hope you gained some clarity from the experience.”

The man had mistaken Lexa’s absent expression as a delayed response to the traumatic exposure to the Mountain Men’s latest project, when in fact she was merely in deep thought as she assessed her options.

“I know how to help her,” Lexa responded, her voice quiet but expressed confidently.

Artificial light shone down from the ship exterior, casting the group in a soft white light that illuminated the Chancellor’s tired eyes as she rubbed her forehead, sensing the arrival of a headache as the Commander threw yet another curve ball at them.

Kane waved dismissively at the guards until only he and Abby were in earshot of the controversial conversation. There was no need to make this a public spectacle.

“I can assure you Commander,” he began lightly, his gaze filled with sympathy for their shared concern for the blonde’s well fare. “We are doing all that we can for Clarke. We are monitoring her around the clock and caring for her medical needs where we can. She is in the best place.”

“No, she’s not,” the Commander insisted, addressing him directly rather than attempting to sway the chancellor’s opinion. “She recognised me. She spoke my name.”

A beat of silence passed as Kane registered the statement, clearing his throat tactfully as he considered his next words.

“That’s not possible,” he expressed gently, trying but failing to avoid coming across as patronising.

“I’m telling you that is. Unless you think I’m lying?”

The edge in her voice warned against any further remarks that might put the man in danger of appearing disrespectful.

“I don’t doubt your honesty Commander,” Kane reasoned, “but perhaps your mind experienced what you wanted to see. This is a trying time for us all and it is in our nature to search for miracles.”

“So, if not a liar then you think I’m delusional?”

Exasperation crept onto Kane’s face as he found himself caught in checkmate at every turn, unable to disagree with the Commander without offending her.

“You were there Abby, surely you saw her reaction?” Lexa queried, diverting the attention to the suspiciously silent woman who had been gazing sightlessly into the darkness as the futile conversation continued.

“I don’t know what I saw,” she muttered quietly, lacking any energy to continue this discussion. “It’s been a long day Commander, if you would excuse me.”

Lexa had to bite her tongue to restrain herself from calling after the Chancellor as she retreated from their company and disappeared back into the ship. The conversation was far from over, but it was unlikely that the woman would ever support Lexa’s claims, no matter what she had or had not witnessed.

“We will discuss matters at greater length tomorrow,” Kane insisted, offering a regretful smile for the trying day. “After some rest we might all be of clearer mind.”

The Commander doubted his optimism but nodded all the same, remaining rooted in place even as the man retreated after his Chancellor. His departure marked the arrival of Indra’s curious student, a light frown dipping her eyebrows as she watched Kane disappear, no doubt to have a private word with the uncooperative Chancellor. 

“What was all that about?”

“Your people do nothing but talk,” Lexa said in a flat tone, despising the Skaikru’s natural appeal towards conversation over action. At least when it came to political matters between their people. 

“What would you suggest?” Octavia asked, kicking her boot into the dirt as she sensed an idea forming.

“The time for talk is over. We must act. Tonight.”

=====================================================================

One by one the seemingly tireless Skaikru inhabitants began to drift back to their accommodation, light voices fading into nothing as they became enclosed within the metal ship. The fire was burning low into the early hours of the morning when the resolute Trikru warriors were finally left alone in the clearing. It had been a frustrating wait for the Commander as she had watched Skaikru inhabitants come and go from the ship over the last few hours without a care in the world, some brandishing jugs of alcohol, whilst others went about maintenance tasks with tired expressions.

Patience was hard to come by at the best of times, even more so when so much was at stake. Indra, the fierce war chief, had been staring deep into the flames whilst her Commander had watched the bustling people go about their duties with a keen gaze. She did not have to voice her concerns about the impromptu rescue mission, the stark opinion was clear to see on her face.

Lexa did not care to hear cynical words of doubt and warning for her plan, preferring the silence that spread between them in mutual understanding. Indra was her subject and knew better than anyone that this was not the time to question her leader’s decision, despite her dubious opinion on the matter.

It had been clear since Lexa had first brought up her interaction with Clarke that neither Kane nor Abby were willing to believe or even consider it to be true. Precious time would only be wasted attempting to convince them of the truth and there was no guarantee that the Chancellor would even allow her to see the girl again. They had left her with no choice but to take matters into her own hands. Clarke would not be a prisoner here any longer, not if she had anything to do with it. 

Finally, the camp was at rest, silent as its inhabitants slept oblivious to the ploy that was underway.

Lexa’s keen gaze glimpsed Octavia’s hurried exit from the ship, shadows arching over the uneven landscape as she rose to her feet to meet the warrior. The girl was an essential part of her plan and her willingness to cooperate had gone some way to resurrecting the Commander’s faith in her loyalty after their recent indifference. Once again Clarke had been right to protect the warrior, insisting that she would remain loyal to their cause despite her strong-willed opinions about the tragedy at TonDC.

“It’s time. The corridors are clear, and we only have two guards at the cells to contend with,” Octavia reported, confident that they could disable the men without difficulty before extracting Clarke to freedom.

“Our exit strategy is prepared?”

“It will be. Raven is deactivating a portion of the fence as we speak.”

Convincing the mechanic to join their mission had been a challenging task to say the least, but a quick reminder of Clarke’s well being and all that she had done for the camp had swayed the girl into acceptance. They knew better than anyone how far the Chancellor and her second in command would go for what they believed to be right, regardless of whether it was in everyone’s best interests. 

“Then let’s go,” the Commander directed, leaving Indra and her warriors behind to ready the horses. They could move faster and with less suspicion if she went alone.

Octavia led the way, ready to divert any unwanted eyes that might fall their way but miraculously they saw no other soul on their journey. Only when they neared the cell block did Octavia pause, taking position at a junction where she could keep an eye out for any unwelcome visitors. Her presence at the cell would only upset the prisoner and she would be more of a hindrance than a help.

Lexa continued alone with silent footfalls, purposeful strides carrying her on the well-remembered route back to the cells. She had taken great care to memorise their passage and had no problem navigating the two brief turns before reaching the cells themselves. It was with growing apprehension that she found not a single guard on the adjacent corridor standing to attention, an eery silence stretching through the metal walls as she cast a searching gaze over the clear path. It was almost too good to be true.

The long corridor was illuminated only with dimmed lights spaced at regular intervals along the ceiling, one at the far end flickering ominously as Lexa stepped into the corridor that housed the extensive collection of prisoner cells. Her breath caught in her throat when a figure cloaked in shadows could be seen leaning against the wall to her left, only a few paces from where she stood.

“I thought you might come back here.” Abby’s soft voice echoed throughout the corridor, hushed almost to a whisper as she pushed away from the wall and stepped straight out into the Commander’s path. Their silhouettes sent shadows dancing over the walls as they became drawn into a defensive stand off.

“You won’t stop me from helping her. I know what I saw,” Lexa responded in an equally soft tone of voice, her senses reaching out to identify any other hidden threats but incredibly the woman was alone. Hardly the show of force needed to halt her plan.

“Who said anything about stopping you?”

The confusion in the Commander’s face must have been evident. Even after years of mastering composure she was stunned by the statement.

“You were right about Clarke, that she somehow recognised you,” Abby admitted, somewhat reluctant to even speak the words out loud.

Suspicion grew as Lexa’s eyes narrowed, observing the woman who had been so unwilling to accept the prospect only a few hours earlier.

“What changed your mind?”

“If there was any chance of my daughter regaining some semblance of sanity then I had to check, so I did. The cameras in the cell caught every moment. I’m sorry for doubting you.”

An apology was something the Commander had never expected to receive in her lifetime from the stubborn woman and was momentarily lost for words. On this rare occasion, she found unsure how to proceed. Her plans had been thrown into uncertainty now that she no longer had to complete the mission in secrecy.

“If you distract her, I’ll make sure that she’s sedated for the journey. You can’t predict how she will react in a new environment” Abby explained before the questions could be formed. If this would save her daughter from the insanity of the Mountain Men then she had to at least try, no matter how much it might hurt.

Lexa nodded, foregoing any wasted words as they carefully approached the cell together, the Chancellor strategically positioning herself behind the door to avoid detection. They shared a silent stare before the tense Skaikru leader nodded and passed over the keys.

Within seconds the door was swinging open and the Commander had no time to prepare what she might say or do before the blonde head whipped up to identify the intruder. 

“Lexa? Is that you?”

Lexa experience a pang of sorrow at the feeble voice but had no time to process her own emotion as she entered the cell and crouched before the girl. Blonde locks of hair were matted in places, her clothes torn from the panicked flight through the forest before the patrol had intercepted her. 

“Did they capture you as well?” Clarke whispered, eyes darting wildly to the side as if they might be overheard. “You shouldn’t be here.”

In a subtle movement, Lexa positioned her back to the metal wall, drawing the girls gaze away from the doorway that would soon be occupied. She could scarcely believe that the girl recognised her let alone could communicate and struggled to find the right words that might offer some peace.

“It’s okay, you’re safe. I’m here to help you.”

Clarke bowed her head, confusion spearing her body as she tried to perceive whether this encounter was even real. The mind could play all kinds of terrible tricks on a weakened spirit. There was no concept of time in this place, nor normality when she could barely remember her own name let alone why she was even here. It was a personal hell of sorts, trapping mind, body, and spirit within the enclosed space. She had given up hope of escape long ago.

“It’s not safe, please, you have to go,” she insisted, her head jarring up with wild concern burning in blue irises. There was no hope for her, but she would not see the Commander undergo the same unnecessary suffering.

Lexa smiled sadly, forcing her eyes to remain on Clarke even as she glimpsed the Chancellor moving into position over the slumped shoulder. How could this girl be so concerned with everyone else’s safety even in her darkest moment?

“Don’t worry about me,” Lexa said soothingly, maintaining the girls focus as the Chancellor raised the dart gun behind her, a pained expression tightening her features. “Just relax. Everything will be fine.”

The aggressive pop of the dart gun exploded before the blonde girl could even register what was happening, her mouth opening slightly at the sudden impact. Clarke’s muscles tensed notably as the dart buried itself into her shoulder, a sharp gasp escaping her lips before the strength leaked from her body and she fell forwards, slumping into the Commander’s waiting arms. Her eyes fluttered for a long moment as the sedative began to take hold until finally, she could keep them open no longer and sunk into a blissful state of unconsciousness.

Abby swallowed thickly and holstered the weapon, hovering in the doorway uncertainly before gathering the courage to step inside the cell. She had not been in such proximity to her daughter in days and it would be a long time before she would be again.

The moment held unexpected parallels to their early life on the Ark, a time which felt almost dreamlike, when the hundred delinquents had first been sent to the ground. Clarke had fought against the guards as expected, but Abby would never forget watching her unconscious daughter being carried past on a stretcher, paraded along with the stream of other prisoners who were to board the dropship that fateful day.

Abby had said goodbye then without truly being certain that they would ever meet again. This time would be different. This was not forever.

The Chancellor knelt beside her daughter, reaching out a hand to brush aside the sweeping blonde hair that concealed her face. She looked more peaceful now than she had in days. She retrieved a small key from her pocket and in a matter of seconds the chains capturing the girl’s wrists were released, her heart aching upon seeing the bruised patterns that were left behind.

“May we meet again,” she incited, pausing for a long moment before standing and nodding stiffly to the Commander. “You need to go, before the sedative wears off.”

The fretful mother reached forwards as if to help carry the weight of the unconscious girl, but the Commander brushed her attempts aside.

“I’ve got her.”

Abby’s hand was shaking as she withdrew it to her side, stepping away from the cell door to clear a path as the Commander rose to her feet in one swift motion, expertly manoeuvring the girls weight until she rested comfortably in her strong grip.

This method was far easier in contrast to the prospect of guiding the confused girl from the cells, risking a violent encounter with any unsuspecting Skaikru inhabitants that might cross their path. It was certainly easier now that the Chancellor was aiding their efforts.

The two women exited the cell in a silent formation, their approach causing first alarm and then surprise in Octavia’s face when they reached her guarded position. She was quickly instructed to put a halt to whatever inventive plan had been in place to secure a hasty retreat. It was no longer necessary.

A brief word on the radio to Raven marked an end to their secretive mission and the small group continued out into the still night air, thankfully absent of any watching eyes as only the Trikru warriors waited patiently in the clearing.

Indra observed the returning trio with a keen gaze, drawing her own conclusions about what had occurred when she barked instructions for the warriors to mount and prepare for departure.

Clarke’s motionless form was carefully transferred from the Commander’s secure hold into the waiting arms of a trusted warrior who would travel with the girl safely held in place on their return journey to TonDC.

The Commander turned to the Chancellor as her warriors mounted their horses, thankful for the unexpected help that had made their task far simpler. If anything, she held a newfound respect for the woman who had put her own grievances aside for the sake of her daughter.

“I’ll take good care of her, I promise.”

Abby swallowed back her emotion and nodded curtly, eager not to show her weakness before the Commander.

“I expect regular updates about how she’s doing. We will have to come to some arrangement about further meetings.”

Skaikru could surely not attend any political events in Trikru territory now that Clarke would be situated in their camp.

“Of course. A messenger will bring you news, on both your daughter and our truce. Your help has been invaluable.”

There was little to more to say on the matter and Abby inhaled deeply as she strode towards the allocated guards at the gate, centring herself as she called for them to let the warriors pass by.

Lexa mounted her brilliant white mare and led the procession of Grounder’s towards the exit, one final nod of thanks directed towards the Chancellor before she passed by the guards and began the return journey to TonDc.

Abby watched them go with a heavy heart, hoping that this was the solution to restoring her daughters state of mind. There were a thousand questions tumbling through her head regarding why Clarke had only reacted to Skaikru presence, a hint of anguish twisting in her chest that the Commander had swept into the cell without any difficulty. What cruel twist of fate had secured this life for them?

The Mountain men would pay for this, Abby swore to herself with a dark expression. One way or another she would ensure that the world they knew would be obliterated, torn from existence to repay the unspeakable horrors that had been inflicted on their people. Just as her world was being torn away from her.

The gates closed resoundingly behind the departing warriors and Abby turned away from the scene, fighting back tears that burnt her eyes. There was no time for weakness, not now. There was a war to be won and she would damn well see that her people emerged victorious.

**Thank you for reading this chapter, I hope you enjoyed it!**

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**Let me know what you thought of this chapter!**


	5. In Your Eyes

Dawn signalled the arrival of a new day as the party of Trikru warriors returned to TonDC, tendrils of light shattering through the early morning haze to bring renewed energy to the group. They had not rested since their departure the previous day and tiredness was beginning to creep over all of them, even the Commander.

She led the group past the checkpoint and into the main village as cries of Heda echoed into life from every direction. The welcome chorus became tainted with hushed comments as the gathering people caught sight of the unconscious blonde.

Their curiosity was of no concern to the Commander and she passed by the muttering individuals without so much as a sideways glance, leading the group towards the far end of the camp where her main tent was situated. None would dare bother her here.

A second tent had been erected only a few hundred yards from her own, a smaller and less impressive structure that would accommodate any important visitors. It would serve as Clarke’s accommodation for the time being.

Lexa dismounted and directed one of her warriors to carry the blonde inside, dismissing the rest to go about their duties.

“Send Nyko at once, he will treat Clarke’s injuries before she wakes.”

Indra dispersed with her fellow warriors as Lexa finally stood alone outside the tent, releasing a long breath as if it might calm the anxious knot in her stomach. There was no telling what state Clarke would be in until she regained consciousness, and there was no guarantee that it would be the optimistic result they hoped for.

She could only find solace in the recognition that the girl was at least free from the cells at camp Jaha, away from the claustrophobic metal ship that had become her prison. Here she could recover in peace, away from the enclosed perimeter that the landing site offered.

Nyko arrived without delay to attend Clarke’s wounds, the Commander waiting silently near the flap of material that marked the entrance to the tent as he worked. Skilled hands carefully wrapped bandages around the abrasions at the blonde’s wrists, keen eyes assessing the dark bruises that marked her body. Some of the salves he used had most likely been introduced by Clarke herself, introducing a more advanced system of medicine to their clan that would save many lives.

Lexa allowed the silence to stretch on for as long as she could bear before her patience ran thin.

“Well?”

Nyko retrieved his medical supplies and stood with bowed head before the Commander, gesturing towards the unconscious girl as he spoke.

“I have treated her visible wounds and they will heal well within a few weeks,” he reported, tucking his arms respectfully in front of his torso. “I have supplied a concoction to ease any pain so she should be comfortable in the meantime.”

“Good, that will be all for now.”

“If I may Commander,” Nyko said hesitantly, pausing as he passed by. “You haven’t rested since your departure. Clarke will not be awake for hours yet if you wish to rest.”

Only silence met his well-meaning remark as the Commander seemed to stare straight through him, as if he were already absent. The man hurriedly muttered respectful words before departing, recognising that his presence was no longer required.

Lexa stepped forward to the bedside as Nyko left the tent, staring down at the oddly peaceful expression that graced the blonde’s face, wondering whether Clarke would remain as calm when she regained consciousness. One hand lightly brushed a stray gathering of blonde hair aside, sighing regretfully that such terrible events had transpired.

“What have they done to you?” she whispered softly, with no fear of being heard as the sedative held the girl deep in slumber.

The temptation to remain by Clarke’s side was strong, but Nyko had spoken wisely. She would be of no use to the girl if she were exhausted. With a final lingering stare down at the sleeping girl, she quietly removed herself from the tent, instructing the warrior outside to inform her the second she showed signs of waking.

Within the confines of her own tent, she removed the formal armour and slipped into more comfortable attire. A light jacket fitted snugly over a simple black top, comparatively lightweight compared to the armour she had worn previously.

Thoughts of Clarke and the difficult times yet to come were difficult to cleanse from her mind as she swept back the fur cover of her bed and reclined onto the soft material. Sleep would be hard to come by if these thoughts persisted.

She had once advised Clarke against such pointless concerns weeks ago when they had been discussing battle plans against the Mountain. There was no use in wondering about what the future held when you could only wait for the outcome to reveal itself.

Clarke may be perfectly fine when she awoke, or she might not, either way the Commander would deal with the situation as it came to hand and not before. With a light sigh, she let her eyes flutter shut, drifting into a light slumber as images of Clarke continued to dance behind her eyelids.

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Lexa lurched upright and already had one leg out of the bed even as the frantic footsteps pattered into her tent. The haze of sleep that clouded her mind was swept aside in an instant as she glimpsed Nyko lurching towards her, struggling into a brief bow as he mumbled apologies and excuses.

She almost snapped at the man to abandon his rambling nonsense and explain himself clearly when she noted the bloody wound on his forehead that dripped red liquid along a scarred cheek.

Nyko sensed his Commander’s growing frustration and heaved in a stuttering breath, silencing his extended explanation in favour of a brief report.

“She’s awake, and somewhat confused.”

Lexa didn’t need to hear any more as she rushed past the healer and crossed the short distance to the tent. Nyko’s injury could signal the deranged behaviour that she had witnessed at camp Jaha, or it might be a simple mistake. Regaining consciousness in an unfamiliar environment would be a jarring experience to anyone, let alone after the trauma that Clarke had recently been through.

Lexa bust through the low hanging material flaps, her stride slowing when a frantic Clarke spun to face her. One arm was raised defensively, a bowl gripped tightly in fingers that were almost white from the strain.

“Lexa?” she uttered, confusion clouding her gaze. There was panic in her voice.

The situation almost would have been comical if not for the uncertain circumstances. It had been made clear that no sharp objects were to be left in the girl’s environment so it was no surprise that a bowl was the best defence that she could muster. A light spattering of blood decorated the rim of bowl where it had presumably been projected at the unsuspecting healer.

Clarke noted how the Commander’s gaze was drawn to the brandished weapon and sheepishly dropped her arm, wincing as the strain on her body communicated the pain to her brain.

“I’m sorry, I just-“

Her explanation was cut short when a wave of dizziness forced the room out of focus and with a slight sway, she dropped the bowl to the floor in favour of clutching her head with a grimace. The bowl had barely thudded onto the ground when Lexa stepped forwards and ushered the woman back to bed before she could fall.

It was an instinctive action, one that did not concern itself with the potential aggression that she had once witnessed. If anything, Lexa was confident in her own ability to deal with the situation if it did arise. Perhaps in hindsight she should have been more careful, but this was an unprecedented situation for everyone involved.

Clarke had no strength to resist the gesture and sank back against the furs with a light sigh as she tried to massage the nauseating sensation from her skull. Her mind was clouded, concealing memories and thoughts that would clarify her situation. Everything ached, that she was more than aware of, but why? She did not understand.

To her relief, returning to a horizontal position seemed to ease the discomfort and she was finally able to peer at her surroundings once more, furtively trying to piece together the gaps in her life. Now fully conscious, she was mortified by the recognition of her surroundings and the action she had taken against the man trying to help her. Nothing had made sense to her, but waking to find a huge figure looming over the bed had prompted action before thought.

It was an effort to move, let alone think and eventually her gaze lifted to the Commander, who had virtually become a statue in the room as the blonde took in her surroundings.

Clarke’s unease at her inability to sort through muddled thoughts was instantly overshadowed by the stab of horror in her chest when she met the Commander’s gaze. A gaze of suspicion and uncertainty. A promise that all was not as it seemed. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

Lexa raised her chin as she recognised the momentary lapse in concentration and fought to maintain a neutral expression that would not convey her inner turmoil. This girl looked like Clarke, acted like Clarke, with no signs of the previous violence that had been witnessed. It was almost too good to be true but Lexa was not one to believe in miracles.

“What do you remember?” she asked in an even tone.

A deep frown settled over the blonde’s forehead as she searched for the memories. Flashes of images and colour displayed themselves but the task of deciphering them would take far longer.

“I-I was at the mountain…,” the blonde began slowly, intently staring into the distance as if reliving the experience. “I escaped…. somehow, but then-“

She all but growled in frustration and sank deeper into the bed, as if her body itself were weakened by the effort.

“I don’t know,” she uttered, clipped words conveying her irritation. “What happened? What am I doing here?”

It was painful to watch the confusion and disappointment descending over the girl but even Lexa herself was struggling to find the right words to explain the situation. Wild blue eyes rose to meet hers, a pool of anguish and frustration that her own mind was betraying her.

“I will tell you everything, but first you need to eat, bathe, and most importantly rest. I will have water brought to you whilst I collect fresh clothes.”

Lexa ducked out of the tent before she could receive any more questions, her chest tight as her own confusion coiled to the surface. Her exit was far from subtle, but it was better than the alternative. She needed a moment to process the situation before her expression could betray the suspicions that she held. The girl had been a screeching savage only the previous day, yet here she was apologising and presumably back to her normal self. It was an impossible notion, but what other conclusion could be drawn?

It didn’t take long to identify a comfortable set of clothes for the girl, anything would be better than the ragged attire that she currently wore, ripped in several places almost beyond repair. She swept back into the tent and opened her mouth to speak, although no words came out when her step faltered upon seeing the despondent girl staring down at her bandaged wrists, tattered jacket abandoned on the floor.

The long-sleeved shirt had already been torn up to her elbows so the wounds could be treated. It was a pitiful sight to observe.

“Tell me what happened.”

Clarke didn’t even have to look up for the pain in her eyes to be notable, the lilt of her voice said it all.

“As I said before, you should-”

“Stop delaying the inevitable!” Clarke cried out, rising to her feet to face the Commander with shimmering eyes. “Whatever you have to say can’t be worse than what I’m imagining.”

Lexa stood resolutely as the girl stalked closer, holding the fierce gaze as she recognised the futility of any effort to brush the questions aside. The girl had no idea what she was asking for.

“Why don’t you get yourself cleaned up first and then-”

Once more her words fell away when Clarke reached out and grasped the clothes that had been hooked under her left arm. She let them fall away and clasped her now empty hands behind her.

“I can listen and change at the same time. No more excuses.”

The determination in the blonde’s eyes was inescapable and Lexa resigned herself to the knowledge that she could not delay this any longer. It was not ideal; she had not yet fully addressed how she was going to explain the events in an appropriate manner without inciting a reaction from the vulnerable girl.

“You were captured by the mountain,” Lexa began carefully, tracking the blonde’s movements as she laid the clean clothes out on the bed. “You were gone for almost a month before you managed to escape.”

The final part of the sentence was questionable but that was a discussion for another time.

Lexa turned away as Clarke began the process of pealing the torn shirt from her body, unaware of the horror story that was about to unfold. The words came spilling into existence as the Commander stared regretfully at the flickering candles adorning a small table, not wanting the girl to see the emotion in her eyes as she recalled the tale let alone witness the blonde’s reaction to the horrific events.

This was not going to be easy for either of them.

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